Seven Days in Prison

Day One:
Yesterday was the last day of the rest of my life because it was my first day in this cell. No more appeals. No more denial. This is my new home and I am as good as dead for all the living I’ll be doing in it.

I used to have a stainless steel subzero, now I have a stainless steel toilet. I used to sleep under goose down on Egyptian cotton. This bed I sit on might as well be sheeted with sand paper. No one will be visiting me, after what I’ve done. And I’ll be best not to talk to the other guys in here. My crime was heinous, I know, but somehow I think these men are more the “heinous” sort than I am.

I didn’t really mean to kill them. I just didn’t want them to live, together, happy, in my house. Taking that life away somehow turned into taking all life away – I got a little over zealous, but I guess I don’t have to feel guilty about it anymore, I’ll pay for it in here to be sure.

Day Two: The food in here sucks but it’s the only thing that breaks up the time. No one makes macaroni and cheese like Molly did. I never appreciated that. Guy next to me at supper commented on the piss poor state of the mac. I agreed with him. Maybe we’re friends now. I don’t know.

Day Three: That guy’s name was Burk. Saw him again today when we got to walk “outside” in a fenced-in cage open to the air. He’s been here 3 years. I didn’t say much, didn’t want to scare him off. Just lent against the cage with him. It felt a little less lonely. Still, I think I’m gonna lose my mind in here. Every night I go to bed thinking I’d rather have been sentenced to death. This is a purgatory worse than Dante could have imagined, to breath for no reason. It’s like being kept alive by machines. I wish they’d have just pulled the plug.

Day Four: Learned to make holes in license plates today. Riveting…get it? Burk made that joke. He worked next to me. He said if I was good I’d get library privileges soon. I’ve never been much of a reader, but I guess I could take it up. What else is there to do? I asked him if anyone ever killed themselves in here and he said all the time. He said - Most everyone here is here for life. The only choice we have is how long that’s gonna be.

Day Five: I wonder if I’ll see Molly when I die. We said that we’d love each other forever. But then she changed her mind, took my money and my house and got with our financial advisor. So I guess she won’t be waiting there when I follow the light. Probably especially not since I killed her and that weasel with her.

Day Six: The guard who shuts my door at night is stupid. He goes door by door with his gun sticking out his holster like an invitation to a desperate man. It’d only take a quick hand. Reminds me of the last time I held a gun. Why didn’t I turn it around then?